


The Real Reason Lavellan Picks ALL the Elfroot

by MaeBell16



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: FTM Lavellan, Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, The Halla are Gods, Trans!Lavellan, Twin!Lavellans, i'm not even sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 08:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4341749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaeBell16/pseuds/MaeBell16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Stoner Elves| "exactly what it sounds like. give me any kind of fill where elves (bonus points for the dalish) have a reputation for smoking loads of elfroot. and it turns out the reputation is true. smutty or not, shippy or not doesn't matter. i don't care about the specifics, i just want stoner elves." -Kink!Meme OP!Anon</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Real Reason Lavellan Picks ALL the Elfroot

**Author's Note:**

> First commenter Anon said, '"But what if, like, the halla know where all the gods are, and we just haven't been listening to them?"
> 
> "Whoah, man, you're right! That's so right!"
> 
> ...Seriously this idea could be hilariously written. Seconding!'
> 
> And I just had to write something. It was too Perfect.
> 
> Btw My Lavellan's are twins so I use their first names Quiver and Neff. Quiver is my trans!male quizzy and Neff is his brother. Also here is some implied Adoribull. You have been warned. I may write additional parts if people request more scenarios with these two.

\------  
Scene|1  
\------

It was a miserable night on the storm coast and Dorian was done. Just done. He slapped his palm on The Iron Bull's naked chest, waking the qunari with a snort.

"Hmm-WHA?! Lemme at'um! Wait... Dorian what's going on?"

"What's going on, is that I'm cold and wet and we STILL don't have a fire! We are getting up and finding that pyromaniac and his brother RIGHT NOW!"

Bull just sighs and hauls himself up, knowing that arguing will get him nowhere. They head out and search. Eventually they hear giggling and follow the sound. The sight they come across leaves them frozen and speechless. Quiver and Neff are sitting side by side. White hair shining in the moonlight. Smoking pipes of... Elfroot?

"-and then I realized something-"

"That you're a boob?" Quiver cackles.

"No! Now shoosh ya dolt! I realized Solas is my grandpappy." Neff deadpans, completely serious.

"He's not MY gran'puppy" Quiver looks at his tongue like it's a traitor.

"No no just mine." Neff waves his brother off as if that should be obvious.

"But we're twins?!" Quiver shouts incredulously.

"Oh yeah... Dang!" Neff looks deep in thought over this until Quiver reminisces.

"Yeah I met him once."

"Solas?"

"No no our grandpappy." He smiles.

"Did not." Neff pouts like a tiny child.

"Did too! He was a halla."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Well maybe! You don't know!" Quiver crosses his arms defiantly.

"Oh my gods..." Neff gets a dazed look, eyes unfocused.

"Hmm?"

"Oh. My. Gods!"

"What Neff what?!" Quiver shakes his brother until Neff's already messy plait falls out the rest of he way.

"The gods... What if the halla are the gods?! What if we just haven't been listening?!"

Neff's epiphany is met by a full minute of silence. The only sound heard is the falling rain.

"Neff..." Quiver pauses and the tension builds.

"Yeah Quiv..?" Neff prods.

"You. Are. A. Genius! I must commune with the gods! Come Neff! We must frolic!!" Quiver strips in mere seconds, even going so far as to throw off his binder. He turns to run but Bull bursts from the bushes and throws an elf over each shoulder while Dorian collects Quiver's leathers, binder, and... Okay not his small-clothes because those are nowhere to be found. He then follows Bull who is marching back to camp with an unconscious Neff and a very displeased Quiver. 

"That is enough for tonight I think."

"Noooooo! Bull I need to frolic like my ancestors!"

His plea is met with no response.

"Bull my gods need me!"

Bull's shoulder shake a little but he remains silent

"Bull I must frolic and stroke their curly white horns!"

Dorian releases an undignified snort he will deny to his grave

"The dalish must FROLIC!!! If I don't frolic I will die!"

Bull!"

"BULL!!"

It takes all of Bull and Dorian's resolve not to laugh as they make their way back to camp and put the brother's to bed. Their fortitude breaks the next morning, however, when the brothers wander out of their tent the next morning and Quiver runs his fingers through cropped white hair and asks,

"What happened last night?"

The storm coast echoes with the guffaws of a certain Qunari and the cackles of a Tevinter mage.


End file.
